Dad Gerry I feel close to her here. I can't bear to think of going back - Mum Kate
The Sunday Mirror
10 June 2007
Lori Campbell in Praia da Luz
THE SEARCH FOR MADELEINE DAY 38
MADELEINE McCann's shattered parents Gerry and Kate told yesterday how they needed to put the campaign to find her on hold to take time to grieve. In an emotional interview heartbroken Gerry said:
"Kate and I need to grieve. Not because we fear the worst, but to grieve her not being with us. We just need to take stock and decide what is best to do from now."
The couple - who have worked tirelessly since their daughter went missing 38 days ago - know they have done everything they possibly can in Portugal. And after one last trip, this time to Morocco where a tourist is convinced she spotted Madeleine, they both desperately need a break. In Morocco, they will meet with politicians and child welfare charities before returning to Portugal on Tuesday.
Gerry is also preparing to return to England for a few days at a time. But if the decision to leave Portugal - albeit occasionally - is difficult for Madeleine's father, it is proving virtually impossible for her mother.
"Although we're talking about what we will do next week, we still hope every morning that this will be the day we get her back," said Kate.
"I do actually feel close to Madeleine here. Of course, she could be even further from here than she is from the UK, but I feel emotionally close to her here. People have told me that I could do the same if not more back in the UK, but I can't face leaving here yet."
However Gerry, 39, knows that the heartbreaking decision must present itself sooner or later.
"The time has come to have a contingency plan," he said. "We'll have to start working on that. We will not give up, but there will be a different way of doing it.
"I can see myself having to go back to the UK to meet with people. It is just more efficient to do things over there. But it will be very, very hard going home. "The last time I was back I couldn't even go into the house. I found it hard enough going back to Rothely. It was very emotional."
Speaking from their apartment in Praia da Luz, he said they are now ready to face up to the darker emotions they have so far been able to shut out. He said:
"Early on, I was absolutely driven by a focus I've never had before in my life. "All my energies have been channelled into anything I can do. I was concentrating on organising the main visits. "When we're making appeals, we don't want anything to cloud that. It's given us focus and helped us keep our emotions in check. The overriding desire is to get the message out for people to come forward and that suppresses other stuff."
He added:
"We have been seeing a psychologist who has helped us. We are still in regular contact with him. "In the first few weeks, when I slipped into dark moments of despair, I was finding it quite easy to emotionally switch a light back on. "But I've been finding that increasingly difficult to do. More importantly, I don't want to do that anymore, I want to be able to grieve and let those emotions out.
"There have been a lot of tears in private but we keep our emotions in check in public."
Kate, 38, added:
"Certainly I find when I'm alone I feel a lot of anxiety. When I'm speaking in public it helps take my mind off things.
"For that moment I'm not thinking, 'Where is Madeleine, how is she feeling?' It's a distraction because you know that might help. But it's time to step to back from that."
Squeezing her hand tightly, Gerry added:
"We've made a vow to each other that we would take time for ourselves."
The couple, both doctors, will then take a break as they feel they will have done everything in their powers to publicise the hunt for Madeleine. And Gerry said it is likely he will return to the UK at least for a short time. He said:
"When we get back from Morocco we want to sit back and take stock of what we're doing. We have not got any other visits planned because we think we've covered all the main areas.
"In terms of the investigation, all the specific appeals have been done. We would have covered the two countries in close proximity with Portugal which are Spain and Morocco.
"Then I think that Kate and I personally and also family and friends who have been campaigning will need a break. We just need to take stock and decide what is best after that."
Gerry said they will remain in constant contact with police, but need to take time to reflect on what to do next, and to spend time with their two-year-old twins Sean and Amelie.
He said:
"We'll still meet with the Portuguese police as we have done fairly regularly, and with the British police.
"But it is definitely going to be a period of reflection. We can't keep doing the same thing week after week. The coverage will dwindle away. What we want to be sure of is that what we put our energy into is effective.
"We need to know that our objectives are going to help in the search for Madeleine. "We don't like the limelight and would never have chosen to do all this, but we're driven by the fact we think it's helping Madeleine."
Kate has found it particularly difficult facing the cameras. Still wearing her trademark green and yellow ribbons for hope in her hair, she said:
"At work, I could never stand up and say something in front of people, I never volunteer for that kind of thing.
"But here I have to get over that because this situation is bigger than we are. "I feel a great deal of anxiety speaking in public, but it pales into insignificance here because nothing can compare to the trauma of losing your child."
Kate, still clutching the Cuddle Cat which has not left her side since Madeleine went missing, said it has been agonising not knowing what happened to their daughter. She said:
"We don't know who has taken Madeleine or why they've taken her or where she is now. That is the hardest part."
Gerry added:
"That is the hardest thing to deal with, the not knowing."
Kate said she wanted to visit Morocco because her instinct told her it could be important.
She said:
"It's mostly the ease of access. We know we can get there in a couple of hours."
Gerry added:
"For us, and Kate in particular, Morocco is important.
There are a lot of things that I drive forward, but in this case it's Kate who has felt very strongly about it."
Kate added:
"We don't want to look back and think maybe we should have gone there or maybe we should have done that.
"We don't know whether any of what we're doing is helping or making a difference, we're just doing everything we can."
Kate said they have been comforted by the gestures of support from holidaymakers in Praia da Luz. She said:
"It's good that people have come up to us.
"They are enjoying their holiday and we don't want to ruin that. But the support they have shown us has been great."
Gerry added:
"People on holiday can't forget that Madeleine went missing from here, but they still want to stay here.
"At half term it was really busy, there was lots of noise with kids enjoying themselves and that made us feel better."
Kate said:
"People aren't sure whether to come up to us, but many have and we take great strength in that. "We've had thousands of emails and letters, but it's nice to meet real people who express their support for us."
POLICE believe a mystery caller claiming to know Madeleine's whereabouts is a conman.
The man, a known criminal in Argentina, had hoped to extort a million dollars from Madeleine's parents - despite having no knowledge of where the little girl is.
A police spokesman in Cordoba, Argentina said: "Although he is a professional thief, neither he nor his accomplices would have been able to commit an abduction like this and to hold a little girl being searched for in Portugal, Spain and Great Britain."
*****************************************************************
The search for Madeleine Day 38
The Sunday Mirror
10 June 2007
Lori Campbell in Praia da Luz
It will be so hard to go home.. but it is time to grieve - DAD GERRY
I feel close to her here. I can't bear to think of going back - MUM KATE
MADELEINE McCann's shattered father Gerry told yesterday how he needed
to put the campaign to find her on hold to take time to grieve.
In an emotional interview the heartbroken dad - from Glasgow - said:
"Kate and I need to grieve.
"Not because we fear the worst but to grieve her not being with us. We
just need to take stock and decide what is best to do from now."
The couple - who have worked tirelessly since their daughter went
missing 38 days ago - know they have done everything they possibly can
in Portugal.
And after one last trip, this time to Morocco where a tourist is
convinced she spotted Madeleine, they both desperately need a break.
In Morocco, they will meet with politicians and child welfare charities
before returning to Portugal on Tuesday.
But if the decision to come home is difficult for Gerry, it is proving
virtually impossible for his wife.
"Although we're talking about what we will do next week, we still hope
every morning that this will be the day we get her back," said Kate.
"I do actually feel close to Madeleine here. Of course, she could be
even further from here than she is from the UK, but I feel emotionally
close to her here.
"People have told me that I could do the same if not more back in the
UK, but I can't face leaving here yet."
However Gerry, 39, knows that the heartbreaking decisions must present
itself sooner or later. "The time has come to have a contingency plan,"
he said. "We'll have to start working on that. We will not give up, but
there will be a different way of doing it.
"I can see myself having to go back to the UK to meet with people. It is
just more efficient to do things over there. But it will be very, very
hard going home.
"The last time I was back I couldn't even go into the house. I found it
hard enough going back to Rothely. It was very emotional."
Speaking from their apartment in Praia da Luz, he said they are now
ready to face up to the darker emotions they have so far been able to
shut out.
He said: "Early on, I was absolutely driven by a focus I've never had
before in my life.
"All my energies have been channelled into anything I can do. I was
concentrating on organising the main visits.
"When we're making appeals, we don't want anything to cloud that. It's
given us focus and helped us keep our emotions in check. The overriding
desire is to get the message out for people to come forward and that
suppresses other stuff."
He added: "We have been seeing a psychologist who has helped us. We are
still in regular contact with him.
"In the first few weeks, when I slipped into dark moments of despair, I
was finding it quite easy to emotionally switch a light back on.
"But I've been finding that increasingly difficult to do. More
importantly, I don't want to do that anymore, I want to be able to
grieve and let those emotions out. There have been a lot of tears in
private but we keeep our emotions in check in private."
Kate, 38, added: "Certainly I find when I'm alone I feel a lot of
anxiety. When I'm speaking in public it helps take my mind of things.
"For that moment I'm not thinking, 'Where is Madeleine, how is she
feeling?'
"It's a distraction because you know that might help. But it's time to
step to back from that."
Squeezing her hand tightly, Gerry added: "We've made a vow to each other
that we would take time for ourselves."
The couple, both doctors, will then take a break as they feel they will
have done everything in their powers to publicise the hunt for
Madeleine. And Gerry said it is likely he will return to the UK at
least for a short time. He said: "When we get back from Morocco we want
to sit back and take stock of what we're doing. We have not got any
other visits planned because we think we've covered all the main areas.
"In terms of the investigation, all the specific appeals have been done.
We would have covered the two countries in close proximity with Portugal
which are Spain and Morocco.
"Then I think that Kate and I personally and also family and friends who
have been campaigning will need a break.
We just need to take stock and decide what is best after that."
Gerry said they will remain in constant contact with police, but need to
take time to reflect on what to do next, and to spend time with their
two-year-old twins Sean and Amelie.
He said: "We'll still meet with the Portuguese police as we have done
fairly regularly, and with the British police.
"But it is definitely going to be a period of reflection. We can't keep
doing the same thing week after week. The coverage will dwindle away.
What we want to be sure of is that what we put our energy into is
effective.
"We need to know that our objectives are going to help in the search for
Madeleine.
"We don't like the limelight and would never have chosen to do all this,
but we're driven by the fact we think it's helping Madeleine."
Kate has found it particularly difficult facing the cameras.
Still wearing her trademark green and yellow ribbons for hope in her
hair, she said: "At work, I could never stand up and say something in
front of people, I never volunteer for that kind of thing.
"But here I have to get over that because this situation is bigger than
we are.
"I feel a great deal of anxiety speaking in public, but it pales into
insignificance here because nothing can compare to the trauma of losing
your child."
Kate, still clutching the Cuddle Cat which has not left her side since
Madeleine went missing, said it has been agonising not knowing what
happened to their daughter. She said: "We don't know who has taken
Madeleine or why they've taken her or where she is now. That is the
hardest part." Gerry added: "That is the hardest thing to deal with, the
not knowing."
Kate said she wanted to visit Morocco because her instinct told her it
could be important.
She said: "It's mostly the ease of access. We know we can get there in a
couple of hours."
Gerry added: "For us, and Kate in particular, Morocco is important.
There are a lot of things that I drive forward, but in this case it's
Kate who has felt very strongly about it."
Kate added: "We don't want to look back and think maybe we should have
gone there or maybe we should have done that.
"We don't know whether any of what we're doing is helping or making a
difference, we're just doing everything we can."
Kate said they have been comforted by the gestures of support from
holidaymakers in Praia da Luz.
She said: "It's good that people have come up to us.
"They are enjoying their holiday and we don't want to ruin that. But the
support they have shown us has been great." Gerry added: "People on
holiday can't forget that Madeleine went missing from here, but they
still want to stay here.
"At half term it was really busy, there was lots of noise with kids
enjoying themselves and that made us feel better."
Kate said: "People aren't sure whether to come up to us, but many have
and we take great strength in that.
"We've had thousands of emails and letters, but it's nice to meet real
people who express their support for us."
POLICE believe a mystery caller claiming to know Madeleine's
where-abouts is a conman.
The man, a known criminal in Argentina, had hoped to extort a million
dollars from Madeleine's parents - despite having no knowledge of
where the little girl is.
A police spokesman in Cordoba, Argentina said: "Although he is a
professional thief, neither he nor his accomplices would have been able
to commit an abduction like this and to hold a little girl being
searched for in Portugal, Spain and Great Britain."
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