Liverpool Echo
Paddy Shennan
EXCLUSIVE In the concluding part of his series marking the first anniversary of Madeleine McCann's disappearance, chief feature writer Paddy Shennan hears how her grandmother is still struggling to come to terms with the decision taken by nine people on that fateful night.
"I COULD shake all of them, every single one of them," says Susan Healy, the mother of Liverpool-born Kate McCann.
It all comes back to that night.
That fateful, nightmarish night of Thursday May 3, 2007 - and that fateful decision.
The night that Kate and Gerry McCann have relived and regretted time and time and time again. The night their daughter, Madeleine, was abducted while they dined in the tapas bar of their holiday complex in the Algarve with seven friends.
No one needs to tell them they made a mistake. And no one could possibly punish them more than they have punished themselves.
The anguish and sheer frustration surrounding their fateful decision continues to be painfully felt - by both Kate and Gerry and others, including Kate's parents.
Mum Susan says: "I can read articles that say Kate and Gerry should never have left their children and I can accept that. You find yourself over and over again in your head thinking: 'Why did they think it would be all right?' "Why did they think - ALL of them - it was OK to do this?
"I think they were misled into thinking it was OK - but there was no CCTV, no security.
"There is this acceptance among couples with young children, like Kate and Gerry and their friends, that these are good resorts and safe environments.
"I could shake all of them, every single one of them."
She adds: "I understand Kate and Gerry and the others ate in a restaurant without their children. It's something we had to address and Kate and Gerry have had to address it every single day.
"But at the end of the day they thought they had taken adequate provision . . . no one looks after their children better than Kate and Gerry. That's why it's so amazing they can be in this situation."
And yet, fuelled by some bizarre behaviour by the Portuguese police and some wildly unsubstantiated reporting by some Portuguese newspapers, the hate brigade has had a field day.
Lurking on websites and often hiding behind pseudonyms, these pathetic and cowardly cretins have acted like judge and jury, after first putting the boot in on Kate and Gerry McCann - Kate, especially.
Their casual, callous cruelty and almost-gleeful responses to various developments in this heartbreaking and horrifying human tragedy have been outrageous, breathtaking - and utterly depressing. A little girl is missing, but all some want to do is bitch and gloat and goad.
Kate and Gerry McCann don't read the newspapers any more, but their families do and, sometimes, they see what has been posted on the internet by poisoned minds, simple minds and sick minds.
"It gets me upset from time to time, when I'm stupid enough to read it," says Kate's mum, Susan.
Kate's dad, Brian, adds: "We've had a couple of nasty letters here. I can't believe they would actually bother their backsides to buy a stamp and post the letter. They must be warped."
Why do they bother? Susan, sadly, probably hits the nail on the head when she says: "I think they just get a certain pleasure out of it. But it worries me that we have these people in our society - no wonder the world is the way it is."
And how does it feel when you see sneering journalists and internet hate merchants trivialising the case of a missing four-year-old girl by using the term "Tapas 7" to describe Kate and Gerry's friends, or "Tapas 9" to describe thewhole group.
Susan says: "It's awful. This is a group of friends who have all suffered a terrible trauma. They all did the same thing and what happened could have happened to any one of them. It's changed all their lives."
Then there's the derogatory phrase "Team McCann". Susan says: "That's horrible. It makes it sound like an organisation without feelings.
"And Clarence Mitchell (who acts as Kate and Gerry's spokesman), who is vilified very often in the internet forums, is a genuinely nice guy and a family man. Without him, I don't know how they would have got through this year."
From being portrayed as victims to villains and victims again, the McCanns have been given a rollercoaster ride by some newspapers.
At one point, they appeared to be sinking in a sea of defamatory, factfree fantasy reports - but the tide turned when Express Newspapers issued an apology and paid £550,000 into the Find Madeleine Fund.
Regarding damaging headlines, Susan says: "Every time it happens it's like a slap in the face. You have to stop to think 'Do these people not know what they are doing?' - not just to us, but to other people."
Susan stresses that while she doesn't feel she has changed in the past year, she has seen other sides to some other people: "I have seen lots and lots of good in people, but I think I always knew people are basically very kind and supportive.
"But I have seen a side of a certain amount of people - hopefully a small minority - I wouldn't have believed prior to this."
Regarding the overwhelmingly positive side, Susan says: "People have shown us so many little kindnesses.
As one small example, Brian took my shoes to be heeled and the cobbler wouldn't take any money - so we put it in the fund."
Brian adds: "We get an awful lot of support when we walk down Allerton Road, while people I've not seen for years have got in touch."
And Susan has a special request to make of those thousands upon thousands of ECHO readers who have been behind the family from day one: "Please keep praying for us and keep supporting us.
"I'd also ask your readers to remember what this is all about - a little four-year-old child who was loved and cherished and cared for.
"She was the greatest gift anyone in our family ever had. She is somewhere and she may be frightened and unhappy."
"There is this acceptance among couples with young children - like Kate and Gerry and their friends - that these are good resorts and safe environments."